I always take advice with a pinch of salt and a polite nod. Everyone always has their own unique story to tell based on their experiences and for every person who has done something one way, there are a few others who have done it another and that path has worked for them.

Stories are great but at some point you must write your own when faced with the decisions of life.

All this advice about life is just points of views from tinted glasses…even the stuff I say. There is no universal truth – there are things that work in some scenarios and things that work in others. It’s why sometimes you can apply all the advice in the world and it just doesn’t work for you.

I’m not big on hard lines; hear the stories, think about your own scenario and apply what you believe makes the most sense for you.

Blindly optimistic quotes make me want to barf…lol…yes weird coming from a yogi but I think that cotton candy stuff isn’t real life, it’s hollow and like a drug that gives a quick high but then quickly dissipates without helping with a more longterm solution to manage the stresses of life.

More than ever these days can quickly fill one with anxiety – do I take the vaccine, don’t I? … pressure on income, keeping yourself safe, your family safe…navigating buying food…reduced human contact (or over-contact if you can’t get some peace from the people in your household)…all natural feelings of the time…in the midst of swirling issues, concentrating on what’s wrong is a race to the bottom…experiment with me a little…in the midst of all that’s wrong try injecting a few simple thoughts about what is right…add some friction to a smooth decline…maybe that can be your path to arresting what looks bleak and climbing back to a better mental state. [also a little gardening never hurt😉]

I recently started gardening and like most activities I undertake it went from 0 to 100 really quickly. First there were 2 plants and then there were 200 (give or take a few). Gardening aligns with my mainly introverted personality. However, there are several reasons it continually lures me in:

No Pressure to Be Good

There is a peace in doing something for the sheer love without trying to be amazing. I truly am enjoying the journey of gardening without trying to be the best gardener out there. Given my track record I am just happy when the plants survive. I do try to improve but it’s my own quiet journey and I gain delight when I implement my learnings and see beautiful results.

Peace

I feel like gardening is a form of meditation in that it transports me to a world of peace. Watering my plants or pruning doesn’t take a lot of thought or perhaps I use different parts of my brain not typically used during office hours. I’ve had a friend tell me just use my irrigation system to water my plants. This however would detract from those moments of peace I gain from simply mindlessly walking around with a hose or watering can.

Healthy Harvest

The joy that comes from cooking something I’ve grown is next level happiness for me. Even if it’s not great it always tastes the sweetest. I’m on a journey to grow more of my own food.

I didn’t go in search of a hobby; it honestly just happened. For me it’s always a delight when events unfold in this way, it’s like a beautiful life surprise that gives extended happiness. I didn’t wake up one morning and say “I need something to fill my time,” and actively pursue this path; I started with 2 plants – lime and rosemary – rational choices as these are inputs I use in dishes. Other plants came through support of charity and it simply took off from there, fast gaining a life of its own. Now I have plans given how everything has unfolded, a natural evolution – the value I derive and my enjoyment keeps pulling me in deeper. There’s a lesson here in how we approach life. I’ll leave you with that food for thought.

A question I keep coming back to in reading “Man’s Search for Meaning” by Viktor E. Frankl is how does one maintain a sense of value when everything, even your name, has been stripped away from you…so many of us align worth with possessions, professions, social circle … if that were all stripped would you still feel that true inner value or would you suddenly feel inferior? These outward things can be fleeting and can be ripped away quickly (Covid-19 is certainly evidence of that). Your inner worth has to be more than the summation of outward value. You have to know intrinsically that you are worthy just by your sheer existence and the collection of attributes that make you fabulously you. The collection that tells you, even with everything ripped away, possessions are not you, professions are not you and you can rebuild again as long as there is breath in your body. In difficult times many things can be stripped away but don’t let one of them be your self worth. Never feel inferior as you walk your path  …

Why do we want what we want? Is it an inherent need or something we have been conditioned to want? I want good health because being sick literally feels bad; I want a house because I want shelter but the style, location, size, what drives this?? There is basic need and manufactured desire, desire manufactured by conditioning. Once you recognise this you can find a place of content with what you have. As long as basic needs are met, everything else is just a desire mindshift, an unpackaging of conditioning.

From the time I was a little girl I was taught how to live life…I was shown who I was supposed to be from the books I read, the movies I watched, peers, elders. Little girls were supposed to want certain things – to be admired for beauty, get married, have kids. All these things, following this path would create a life of happiness…happily ever after.

So as a little girl I longed for that love and admiration that would move me into the next phase of securing a husband and having the babies. This was important at all costs; this was a goal. And even as I excelled in other areas of life, these were still primary goals…and each failed dating or relationship made me feel like I was somehow failing at what truly being a woman meant. After all marriage and kids were the true and ultimate success. I knew this because, even if I didn’t know it, the world kept reminding me of it. Social media posts, conversations, magazines, ads, movies, series, what other women wanted, what men said I should want – these all showed me in subtle ways what I was supposed to want.

It’s the quiet social conditioning. It’s the reason I’ve stuck around in bad situations for way longer than I should have, because being on the path to having a husband and kids in any form or fashion (dating, relationship, living together) was essential. And even if you had glimpses of thinking otherwise the social conditioning drew you right back in. Without these things you were clearly on some reject pile. Men could be wild bachelors forever but you could not. Men could trade in wives for younger models but you could not. After a certain age you should be lucky to garner attention. As men got older they had more choices but as you got older your choices diminished. I no longer believe these things. The only thing I believe in is a biological clock. It is a fact that if you (female) don’t have children by a certain age and you want children it becomes more difficult. There is that natural timeline. But alas, as with most things, there are ways around if you get creative with your options.

As I found myself in yoga it felt like I was being removed from the Matrix, but not drastic, bit by bit as I learnt myself a little better, as I gained a greater understanding of my bliss. I’ve flipped a lot of this stuff on its head…truly questioning if the things I am supposed to want are what I really want. In these things is there an underlying need that could be satisfied in a non-traditional fashion, outside the realms of social conditioning. Oftentimes the answer is yes…and even if it isn’t you probably haven’t explored all your options. There are often several paths to satisfying an underlying need if you can identify it.

Each of us has to find our own path; you may be happy in a traditional setting but equally you should know that if that doesn’t work for you, you have options. Don’t let the world define your bliss.

Many of us are in very demanding roles – and if we are great within those roles we are “rewarded” with increased work loads. We are the trusted; the ones everyone else knows they can rely on. Greater work loads; greater expectations; greater pressure we place on ourselves to get it all done. We begin to stress, as we put unrealistic expectations on ourselves and harsh feelings of inadequacies when we can’t complete everything on our plate within the required deadlines.

The reality often is that even if you had full, no sleep 24 hr days available to you it would still be a Herculean task…so why are you stressing yourself out as a normal human being who needs to sleep…and eat? Stop! Change perspective. Set boundaries. Be realistic and upfront with people. Let them know that if a particular task takes priority, then some of the others may need to take a backseat. Speak up and explain. Do not sit back accepting mounting tasks, giving everyone the impression you are a superhuman being who can juggle 50 balls with similar deadlines and produce the same quality results with each one.

Be real with yourself and be real with the people around you. In such scenarios, something always has to give, to break. Don’t let that something be you.

Forgive…not just people, but yourself. You have to let the burden of old pains go. We are all human so we make mistakes…be gentle with yourself, and be gentle with others. Eventually these past hurts create weight in the mind, becoming heavy mental clutter. Lighten your load. Stop holding on to those grudges.

Everyone deals with this whole forgiveness thing in their own way. For me, every thing that people do creates a picture of their character. Bit by bit the image begins to show. Based on the image unfolding I determine the role that individual will play in my life. The biggest thing for me is understanding the individual. Once I know that, behaviour is not surprising, so I rarely get upset. You are just behaving true to form. Developments in your life have shaped you into who you are and unless you are seeking radical transformation, you are who you are.

Now, who an individual is may not align with what grants me peace in life…it’s here where I determine how deep I want that interaction to be. If someone has hurt me in the past, or treated me poorly I am able to look past it; I don’t carry that weight. I can be polite and interact…but it is unlikely I will be inviting them for afternoon tea as the nature of their character still doesn’t quite align with mine. If their actions show a change in behaviour I am fully open to repainting the picture.

So mentally with people I let everything go; I don’t seek revenge; I don’t wish them poorly. I just carry on. Many might say true forgiveness requires forgetting everything as well…perhaps reinstating an individual to the position they once held in your life. Unless I see a behaviour change that looks like a permanent character adjustment, that’s not something I do, as that can lead to erosion of my peace. But allowing past hurts to swirl in my head, that erodes my peace too so I let them go.

I forgive myself for any poor reactions, noting fully well who I am as an individual may also not align with others and they too might seek to distance themselves from me. It’s fine; that is their right as well. But don’t beat yourself up about these things…if it’s not a natural alignment, it’s not a natural alignment. Where you align naturally, things will flow a little easier.

When great things happen to us sometimes we want to hold on tightly fearing that any loosening will leave space for escape. Sometimes we think we can never regain anything close to those moments. It’s not true. Fear forces us to hold tight. I invite you to look at the situation in a different way – what’s meant to be in your life will be there. If something floats away, either it was not meant to be there (making room for a better fit) or circumstances of the universe will lead to paths crossing again. Maybe the initial timing was not ideal; maybe growth needs to occur; you step away to re-engage in an even better experience.

When you shift your thinking in this way, a loss does not sadden…so no need for vice-like grips. Sit back and let the universe do its work. Stop worrying. Let your mind be easy and trust that things will always work out exactly as they are supposed to…

My life has been a journey of overcoming…When I was younger I was plagued with insecurities based on skin colour, body size, economic status. I felt like I was already starting from so far behind. With the cards stacked so much against me how the hell would I make it. I had dreams; they were average, because I didn’t see myself playing in certain spaces. I thought certain things were unavailable to me.

Much of my journey of overcoming was overcoming myself – learned behaviour and self-imposed restrictions…deprogramming my mind…believing that I could occupy spaces and achieve great things.

Now my dreams are big and I feel like a force. Don’t you dare tell me I can’t…and the path is exciting! You getting anywhere starts with that belief in self…dreaming on astronomical levels. The world may think you crazy but you’re only crazy until you get it done.