Each day I wake up I try to set my tone for the day. I cultivate a mindfulness practice. It allows for deep introspection and connecting to self. It allows me to get to know me better, understand what makes me truly happy and be confident in making choices that lead to my happiness.

We see these words often, which makes it seem like doing this is easy; it’s hard. You know it’s hard when you are facing the actual choices in life, when the world (society, friends, family) is telling you to make one choice but you know the next is what you really really want. It’s that moment you know it’s hard. Because a choice to go outside the world can result in ridicule. And often we forego our happiness because we cannot bear the ridicule or people looking at us with disappointing eyes. So we make them happy instead.

It takes real courage to walk a different path, to own your choice and be fine with it. That’s why walking with yourself is a practice. Day by day you get stronger in choosing to calmly accept who you are…

The basis of all misery is unfulfilled desire…and a life not going according to plan…yet most of our desires…our plans…are not about us…but our social exposure…our social conditioning conditions our desire…
…but we must have desire for anything to happen…so desire is a key component of life…but many times we are not consciously aware; we are fuelled by desires imposed upon us by our social structures…when we don’t achieve, it can break us…but what breaks you? It is your thought about not achieving the desire not the actual non-achievement…so much of this is in your mind and the stories you tell yourself. If something suddenly doesn’t matter, the way in which it affects you changes…therefore conscious awareness and a change in perspective can move you past misery…you reach a point where you can experience the journey but if the outcome is not your initial desire it does not destroy you…this is a different way to experience life…food for thought…suddenly you are doing it more for the joy of the experience and not driven by the outcome.

How does one keep going when success isn’t instant? Your event isn’t full, your classes aren’t full, hardly anyone is buying your product. Throwing in the towel seems easy at this point. You had a brilliant idea right? You have an awesome product (service), why isn’t everyone hip to your flow? My friend, the struggle is real. Not everyone is an overnight success and often what looks like an “overnight success” took many underlying years of unknown disappointments. It’s the passion that keeps us going, the sheer love for what you are doing. When you don’t love it, when it’s just about the dollar you can easily throw hands in the air and walk away. After all, there are easier ways to make that $$$. However, when you are passionate you do it because you enjoy it so much. You want to hone and grow your craft so you keep learning and improving and pushing your way to excellence. You either have the passion for something or you don’t…and when it’s real you feel that sh*t in your bones. The grit is for helping you live to fight another day when the response you hope for just isn’t there. It’s for helping you pick yourself up, keep at your craft but tweak your approach. You have to want it more than the obstacles before you. You have to clap yourself up to continue when maybe only 4 other hands are there clapping for you. Try things and adjust…learn and grow. Ask many questions…grow your knowledge. Readjust and implement. That’s how you make it baby.

I remember sitting in an interview with a colleague one time and the person mentioned they liked to take time to explain do and don’ts to persons who made basic interview boo boos, especially if it seemed they never had the exposure. Some people due to the sheer nature of their households and social circles develop certain skills by osmosis. Perhaps that’s another way of saying privilege. We all don’t have the privilege of learning certain essential skills through our environment. Some of us have to fight our way through making many mistakes along the way. It makes the path longer. This is why I have such a keen interest in children’s charity. I don’t have children of my own [yet] but I strongly believe in helping and supporting the next generation…making that path shorter…innocent of their circumstances we can help them build a better life through support and knowledge transfer.

A lot of time damage comes from recognising the signs and STILL holding on, making further and further emotional investment. You are in fact creating more and more opportunities for hurt. Stop digging that hole and calling it “fighting for love”, especially if the fight is only on one side. Save yourself some emotional turmoil; view a situation as is, not how you would like it to be; and remember…

It’s not complicated…and don’t be fooled into thinking it is. People are not too busy; you are not a priority. From a business perspective, I’ve seen purchasers, sponsors hunt you down when you have something they want vs. you chasing them when you have something they are lukewarm about. If there is a match of interest, you don’t have a problem.

From a relationship perspective, not much different – lukewarm, unsure people will take your mental energy. If someone can’t see you, too busy to make contact, underneath the myriad of reasons why, lies that unsurety or lack of interest. In business, showing how something can be beneficial to the other party is a good strategy and often works if you can paint a clear picture of the benefits. In relationships your best bet is to walk away. Cut your losses and leave. The initial hurt will be nothing compared to enduring the pain of being with someone who does not truly appreciate you. If they can’t see your worth, leave. Employing a business strategy is a losing battle here.

At the heart of the racist lies that innate feeling of superiority (whether overt or undercover)…the power, the symbols of beauty, of intelligence…can we change them, deep-seated through years of social conditioning?

Perhaps not.

We can’t change a man’s heart if he doesn’t want to change…but we can change ourselves and our children, to never accept a label of inferior…to have a true sense of pride in who we are…to celebrate our beauty, our intelligence…to crack through walls of power and build our own dynasties…the very idea of a second class citizen will never compute because who dare…who dare…You may seek to label us inferior but we will NEVER accept. Pull me up a seat at the table because…I have come to dine.

When you work in the corporate world a lot of your time is spent planning and doing reports…reports that show if your plan is on track, if adjustments need to be made due to market forces. You have to budget…you can’t overspend the budget. We do this for companies but often we fail to do this for ourselves, personally or with our own businesses. Take moments to chart your own roadmap. Give your dreams life by letting them spill onto paper with a defined plan for achievement…Dream and plan, track and readjust.

When we were younger our teachers asked us to write them. Sometimes you were given a topic, other times you were given a series of pictures and asked to develop a story based on the images shown.

We are older now; no one is asking us to write compositions but we are still choosing to do. We scroll through social media looking at images of people’s lives and we begin composing, developing stories based on the snippets we see.

Yet like our young selves we are heavily using our imagination. We do not know what is truly going on in someone’s life; we don’t know the life between the pictures.

Give yourself some mental space. Enjoy the pretty pictures but recognise what you see is not the full story and do not use these images to cast judgement upon your own life.

Everyday we make choices. We forego breakfast to get to work on time. We forego lunch to meet deadlines or sit in meetings…we forego exercise because we want to be great employees or meet client expectations…family obligations…we postpone annual check ups because we don’t have the time.

Every day we make choices…that do not redound to the benefit of our health…and sometimes, one day, the body revolts and demands attention and care.

Let’s not wait until then.

Choose yourself. I know, it’s hard. We want to be great; we want to be superstars. We want to be all these things to everyone else while slowly chipping away at ourselves and ironically at our ability to be great. You are not being fair to you. Set intentions to be fair to everyone, including you. It may mean improving time management to meet obligations or setting realistic expectations for those around. It may simply mean saying no to some things. Choose to be kind to you…